Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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