Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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