dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
