so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
