good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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