I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
