I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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