Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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