so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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