Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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