I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
