Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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