Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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