can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
