well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
