last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
