All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
