eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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