im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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