he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
