I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
