I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
