I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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