girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
