Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
