we have officially mastered the walk of shame
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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