I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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