People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
