Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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