Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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