I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Never underestimate the power of titties
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
