im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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