lets start a swedish sibling band together
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
