So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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