dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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