That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
