I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
