i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
