rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i would one night stand the shit outta him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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