I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
