Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
