awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
