The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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