Already got asked if we're dating
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
