I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
two words: eviction party
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
