i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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