You made me cry and you don't even care
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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