I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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