i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
