The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Randomize
