Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
