I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
