the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize