as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
