his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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