we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
