are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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