I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
