So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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