Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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