I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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