So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize