Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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