the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
