i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
