I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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