Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize