I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
