I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
