I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
