can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
