i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
