where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
