Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
soo... how was my night?
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