yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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