the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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