when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
