dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
