I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize