yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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