The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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