From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
