so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Couch. On fire.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
