She is in my trunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
