with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
